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I think it was Kevin Costner who said that there are two things that you do not have to be particularly good at to enjoy: sex and golf.  I find that to be very true.

I am part of a large, worldwide fraternity  of people known as weekend golfers.  Naturally some are better than others and the competition is always tough.  Especially amongst the single digit handicappers.  I, unfortunately or maybe fortunately, do not fall into that category and nor do my friends who I play most games with.

Sometimes, and recently more often than not, there is an unprecedented amount of frustration that accompanies each round.  Allow me to explain.  Here is a typical timeline of a golf Saturday:

07:05     Arrive at the club, well on-time (miraculously), dressed to kill and with a bit of hangover.  The unnecessary headache is of course avoidable but shit happens, doesn’t it?

07:15     Fork out R400 for the round, a golf cart, a few extra balls just in case and water. Seriously, you can’t expect me to walk having explained the situation and balls and water are perfectly understandable too.

07:20     Muck around on the practice green.  Sink two relatively short putts and step away relatively impressed and loaded with confidence.

07:23     Complain about the freezing weather, try to warm up and start anticipating the brilliant golf laying ahead.

07:50     1^st Tee.  Look at the well manicured fairway laying straight ahead, open and wide.  Tee up a brand new, out of the sleeve Titleist Pro V1.

07:51     Remember the golden rule: swing hard, in case you hit it!  Hit the first shank of the day, far off into the trees.  Off to a great start and there’s no turning back!

And so it starts.  The approach shot to the green was pin high but not even on the green!    I manage to walk off the first green with only dropping one shot.  Not too bad considering everywhere I was to achieve this.  Things are picking up and already on the second hole I feeling much better about the whole situation.  What further improves matters is that I am not the only one in the four ball playing a bit of cross-country.  It almost gives the golfing term handicap a new meaning.

In games like these there are almost always money involved so the competition is on and the tough gets going.  You get two kinds of opponents, those who play you out of the game and those who talk you out of the game.  In our four ball we have both.  This however makes the game just so much more interesting and entertaining but also intimidating.

Eventually after carting around for just over 2 hours we land up on the 9^th tee minus three Pro V1’s.  At this point I am only looking forward to the full breakfast at the clubhouse.  We are already discussing what we will have and getting all excited.  This in itself is wrong since we are not here to eat but to play the ancient game invented for gentlemen.

The halfway house always gives a certain sense of false hope that the game will turn 180° in the back nine.  Why should it?  You’ve been struggling through 9 holes and now all of a sudden that’s about to change.  Nope, highly unlikely.  Turning on a 47 is probably also not all that bad.

It is now at least getting warmer, the breakfast did its thing and off we go.

The 18^th green is in sight, finally.  I will reach this one in two, two putt and walk away with par.  Or that’s the plan anyway.  What actually happens is a duff shot in front of the green and a three put to throw away a deeply necessary par.

In the words of George Brett: “I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.”

So it ends, now looking forward to drinks!  After all it was great fun.  No one really played exceptional golf on the day but we had about 5 hours of great fun.  This proves that Mr. Costner was actually right, you don’t have to be good at it to enjoy it.

It does however highlight a few concerns and a serious need to get to the practice tee to finally sort out that driver that keeps on doing unexpected and unwanted things.  But one thing is certain, in the words of the Terminator: “I’ll be back”.

Robin Williams once did a piece on the beginnings of golf, how the Scots actually managed to come up with this game.  If you haven’t seen it yet, make a plan and watch it.  It will all come together and make just so much more sense.

In writing this I truly hope that we are not alone and that there are many other weekend golfers that can identify with this.  It remains a great game and if you ever though it is difficult or impossible to meet new people on the golf course, try playing the wrong ball!

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Golf, Hangover, Kevin Costner, Robin Williams, Titleist