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There are really some hilariously weird and entertaining folk out there and they insist on sharing their thoughts with millions of others on Twitter.  All of a sudden everyone tells everyone else about what happening in their lives and about the things they encounter.  The upside of this is that there are some very funny tweets coming up every once in a while.  Here are a few gems:

kevin_nealon Call me a risk-taker but this morning I used my “indoor voice” outside. No complaints so far.

drewhastings This economy is getting worse- I can now only afford to give one fuck.

jimgaffigan Off to Nantucket the start of all dirty rhymes and where they make all the preppy people.

joerogandotnet I follow some people because I think they’re dumb. I always wonder if people follow me for the same reason, and that keeps me on my toes.

MattDThompson Is living in the 2nd act of a play I should have already walked out of.

michaelianblack: “Happy Canada Day,” which in America is pronounced “Who gives a shit?”

BTMcLaughlin From now on when I get home from work, drink beer and watch TV, I’m calling it a summit

DaneCook I’m thinking of getting a dog from the local shelter, naming him Nostalgia & letting him run away.

FunnyCostaki Gov Sanford actually asked his wife if he could go to Argentina to visit his mistress. Then he tripped and fell over his GIGANTIC BALLS.

jimgaffigan Does anyone know where I can find some news coverage of Michael Jackson’s death? (1 July 2010)

KellyIsFunny Why is Roger Federer playing Stifler at Wimbledon?

mikerotman 1 hour layover on Detroit. Just enough time to ask for a bailout!

danieltosh i guy i work with has never had soup in his whole life…. i cant wrap my brain around this.

Henlips Best overheard end of story in the men’s room at the show last night: “No, he didn’t pee in the sink OR the trash can. He peed on R2D2.”

amyschumer wine guy at coppola, “are you sure you want another glass of wine” me “yes I’m drinking for 2″ July 31st

thenickgriffin saw a homeless guy combing his hair yesterday. if i find out that guy had a date i’m going to kill myself.

danecook Sex + caring – secrets + betrayal ÷ mood x joy + desire – mental illness ÷ bad habits + money + favors + hot friends = LOVE !!!!

danecook If u refer 2 yourself as “playing devils advocate” when opposing some ones opinion u should also have 2 set yourself on fire 4 full effect.

PatGodwin My very “enthusiastic” flight attendant asked me how I took my coffee. I said to myself, “not up the ass” and out loud “black”… He smiled.

These are all courtesy of www.funny-tweets.com and you can also follow them on Twitter for more regular updates of the funnies.

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